Pardon??
Patience is a Virtue!
The set-up ...
Poor Christophe often makes innocent remarks in his casual French
way which just get under my skin!!! For instance, in the middle of a discussion he once
said "I am accustomed to having intellectual discussions. It is a part of my
culture."
The
reprimand ...
Of course, at first, my reaction was that of a typical American woman:
"Exscuse me, Mr. snotsy, poopy, pompous French man!! Does that mean you think I am
NOT accustomed to intellectual discussions??
What, you think that MY culture consists of
people sitting around picking their noses and talking about what's on the Jerry Springer
Show tonight??
The
defense ...
Christophe usually responds to such remarks with "What are you
TALKING about????" Then he patiently explains that he was simply about to introduce a
new topic of discussion and in the French manner, was setting the stage for a series of
points he was about to make. If I would only LISTEN to what he says, and not what I
think I heard, we might be able to communicate!
The
lesson ...
Generally, when French people speak they are only saying what they are
saying about whatever they are talking about at the moment. Sure, they are masters at
using words for double entandres, but when talking to us simple Americans they probably
tend to be as direct as possible. Americans, however, are always hearing what we WANT to
hear - and usually what we want to hear is how the topic relates to US. |
Does that make
any sense? I took his words and somehow made them have to do with something about ME, ME,
ME!! Actually, what he said was a statement about himself and had nothing to do with me,
so why did I hear what I heard?
How
we worked it out ...
Now we always seek to understand before responding. Even though we may
both be speaking the same language, we've learned that the words may mean different
things, and the manner in which they are said also means different things. If I feel I am
taking something too personally, I say so and we both laugh after he explains what he
REALLY meant. If I still don't understand what he really meant, we try, try again.
It could be argued that this
example points out a difference between he and I only, and that I am selfish and
egocentric, thinking everything has to do with me. After further study, however, it
appears the larger difference is between the French and the American and how we relate in
conversation and view the world in general. The key is to remain positive, slow down,
think, ask questions (and it doen't hurt to keep a Francais/Anglais dictionary nearby
either!). |
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